end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
