hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
