I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
