you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Boobs speak an international language.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
