I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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