I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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