Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize