The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
