none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
