This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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