my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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