I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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