Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
