I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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