I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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