Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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