I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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