remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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