I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
