I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
