he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
