She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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