he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
