You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
