Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
