Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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