She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
