What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
