Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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