This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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