Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
