I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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