And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize