before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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