we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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