Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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