Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
