All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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