So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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