He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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