i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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