i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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