i jhust puked up my retainher.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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