i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
