I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
