my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
