Pappa wants mamma naked
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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