also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's shark week go big or go home
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize