he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
