you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
