Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
