We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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