How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
