Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize