If that was your dad, he is hot
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
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