I'm so fucking centered right now
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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