She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
