My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
