Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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