I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
