k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
