Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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