According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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