You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
