Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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