I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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