i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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