he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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