did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
