we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Randomize