she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
