that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
