did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
