Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
