look no pants
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you traded sex for a burrito?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
