I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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