2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
