just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
