Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
