yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
