I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
