Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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