I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
