There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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