On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
