Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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