girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
