Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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