i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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