Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
