I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
