Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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