I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
