Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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