just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
