the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
