I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
