if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize