And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
