No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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