that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
