Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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